Trying

 

 

Trying 

 

I’m trying not to get upset.

   Unreasonable emotion disturbs me, makes me feel like a fifteen year old girl with no options or solutions.

   I’m trying not to get upset because I work on different time zones then everyone else and I believe in candor and communication and frankly you can tell me you only want to be my friend cause 

   I don’t have that much invested yet and 

   unlike most people’s perceptions of me, I don’t baulk at someone telling me the truth or treating me with honesty cause integrity is better than mockery which is for your benefit and not mine.

   And I hate that I’m wining because it’s distracting me from my schedule and routine and this is a perfect reason why I choose ONLY to be friends cause

    everything else turns into a mess full of pain and I’ve plenty of that already. So please speak to me rationally like an adult capable of grown up conversation cause I hate games – 

    but I know how to play them 

    and yet I’m still trying not to get upset and saying stuff that I’ll regret, 

like “this is all cool ‘cause I don’t really like you and I don’t really care” but that’s all filler and it’s not getting to the root of the problem which generally speaking 

involves not making me wonder

    and wait 

    and analyze and examine every moment we’ve shared, every touch of your hand cause I’m trying not to get upset.

but you’re the one getting me there and  

     I’d appreciate you terminating me from this class cause I did not sign up for the lecture. 

Cause bullshit 101 turns into heartache 304 and what I really need is handholding 105, relationship 206 and 

hot sex 409.

       So if you’re not willing to provide me with at least part of that curriculum then sweetie I don’t want to pay for the tuition.  

 

- Sasha